As I lay (layed/lie/lied?)  in bed, day after day, I could hear this “clickety click”coming from somewhere seemingly above.  I finally got my ass out of bed to follow the clicketies.  My ear took me to the point in my bedroom where the ceiling meets the wall.  I could hear them – in a stretch of about 6 feet long.  Working away like crazy.  ”Them”.  Was it carpenter bees eating my attic out?  Were my rafters holey?  Or was it those darned chipmunks that play beer pong at night, hiding their sunflower seeds they found in my garage.

I called my friendly exterminator, Lou.  After he put his ear to the wall he suggested we go outside and look for hornets of some sort that could be making their way in.  He found their port of entry straight away in my soffit.  I said, “kill them, kill them now, what are they?”

“Yellow jackets” he said.

I said, “YIKES – you spray the shit out of them up there, then go back in my house and drill holes in my bedroom wall and spray more of that dust crap in there and kill them.  Just their sound alone is driving me crazy.  I’m crazy enough without hearing a crackling noise all damned day.“

Lou took a step back and said, “OK, OK, but I gotta send the bug man out tomorrow with his bug gear, he’s gotta suit up, this is a big one.  And you don’t need holes in your wall.”

“FINE, just hurry the hell up, and put it on my husband’s charge.”

CLICKY FRICKIN CLACK