Tag Archives: snoring

ANGER MANAGEMENT, MENOPAUSALLY SPEAKING

To be honest, menopause hasn’t reached me yet.  I’m still riding the effing wave.  Consequently, so is my family.  So are my friends.  So is the world.

I’ve decided I have a few anger issues which I’ve also decided are fueled by hormones since that seems just as viable an option to blame as anything else but myself.  So I’ve been trying to recognize the anger – then just do without the anger.  Easy, right?  (Do you all remember me stoppin’ in the ‘hood to yell at them for throwing a rock at my car?)   Today was my first day out of bed all day, out and about, after a couple of days of solid bed so it was my first test since my decision to try my new Anger Management tactics.

1.  When I pulled up to the only spot left to fill my car up with gas today, I had to squeeeeeeze out of my car so as not to hit the muttonhead’s beaten-up pickup truck that was haphazardly parked in the middle of the two gas lanes.  I mumbled (loudly, of course) a few expletives while squeezing out of my driver-side door, but the driver wasn’t around to hear me being disgruntled at his parking abilities (probably in buying’ some smokes and his 12-pack of Schlitz).  So, end of anger.  I was just too tired to continue with it all.  That one ended well.  Success.

2. I was angrily exasperated with the eight questions I had to answer  on the gas pump while using my credit card to get gas said gas.  Decided it was life, and I had to deal with it.  Also decided I was probably really angry at the muttonhead inept pickup-truck parker.  Success.  (Though I would still like to write to Sunoco, and tell them of their buffoonery on their eight questions on their pumps.)

3.  Lawyerboy texted me something a little insensitive.  After I threw the phone and  took a Xanax, Marty picked up my phone and texted him back.  End of anger.  That one ended well.  Success.

4.  Marty is lying here next to me snoring uproariously.  I am not angry.  He cannot help it.  He could go back and see what two doctors say about his “borderline” sleep apnea, but since he saved me from my #2 Anger Issue above, I will let my Xanax slither into my brain.  Anger averted.  Success.

You see, I’ve decided after five-years of intensive research that along with peri-menopause comes ANGER – quite a bit of it.  You might just call me “Quick Draw McDraw” from now on, cuz that’s how fast my anger comes out between my ears.

Love,

Quick Draw McDraw

SNORE-NO-MORE

Crikey.  I’m quite sure I’ve mentioned Marty’s snoring before, and I’ve resisted blogging about him in particular for over three years now (for anything I could mock him for).  But this snoring habit of his should be chronicled for the good of mankind.

I do feel empathy for the guy, he doesn’t do it on purpose, and he can’t control it.  He’s gone twice for sleep apnea tests.  The first time it said, “border line” (as was I), the second time “nope”.  So it’s just plain an annoying snore vs. apnea.

We’ve tried him sleeping upside down, inside out, and diagonally inverted, nothing works.  Those extra bedrooms come in handy.  I’ve taken to video taping him now and then, which is kind of mean but ends up being hysterical.

I was complaining to Lawyerboy yesterday about the snoring, saying I could hear him while he was downstairs with his TV on, and I was upstairs with my TV on.  That’s pretty rip-snortin’ loud.  He does he not wake himself up with that racket?  Lawyerboy told me I was preaching to the choir.  Remember, he said, he had just gone to the Superbowl with him where there was no other room to escape as they shared the same hotel room.  He threw pillows at him all night, “DAD, SERIOUSLY?” – DAD, SHUUUT UUUUUUP” – DAD, ROLL THE $%^& OVER”.  He built forts of pillows around his head to try to drown out the noise to no avail.

So I did some research on the web and decided to try some whack-a-doodle device that looks like a football player’s mouth guard.  When he comes home tonight, we will be boiling it in water, just like his old high-school quarterback days.  I, did however, already notice a mistake I made when ordering.  It asked on the order form if the snorer is a mouth breather or a nose breather.  I was stumped on that one.  I should have just looked at my videos on my phone of him.  Duh.  But I made the deduction that if that horrific sound was coming out of him, he must have his mouth open.  I ordered the mouth-breathing apparatus only to check him out the next day to see his mouth was closed!

So we’re trying the thing tonight anyway (he doesn’t know this yet).  I’ll keep you updated.  I may be ordering the “nose breather” one tomorrow.

Love,

Little Miss Sunshine