Wow, when making myself the butt of a joke, I pointed out what I thought was obvious – that I wasn’t vain since I had just done what I did (later blog fodder). Somebody in the vicinity laughed and said, “Riiiiiighhhht.”
I like to look nice…in other words my socks match, my shoes match, my lipstick is on my lips vs. my teeth. I think my hair is combed nicely (OK, Snookied). I admit to spray tans for formals so my legs don’t scare people – ask any of friends, they will tell you my legs warrant the spray tan. Am I really a picture of vanity? I hope not. Is it perhaps my paper sign in the office that says “Sarah is very pretty”, which is clearly a joke made by someone really insecure?
After all those pictures I’ve posted of myself with sticks up my nose during migraine treatments, no make up on, belts wrapped tightly around my head, goggles on, betty big belly out, freddy fat chin out, my dress tucked up into my panties, toilet paper stuck to my shoe…. I don’t know, I was stunned. Stunned right back into….questioning myself.
If there’s anything I dislike equal to a liar, it’s someone who is not humble. Perhaps I should start wearing different clothes? Find those sneakers? Get my old painter pants out that I loved in high school (as if they’d fit)! I could wear mismatched earrings, not wash my hair. I could sit quiet as a mouse so nothing I say can be misconstrued as me being uppity or vain. Hmmmm.
After all my years of stupid ‘ole therapy, I think I know what it really is about. But I prefer to wallow in this a bit. And at the same time, you can bet your sweet bippie (Laugh In), that person is on my LIST. Whether it was constructive criticism or just plain criticism (remember they are the same in my book), they go straight to the LIST.
P.S. People keep asking me, “just how LONG is that LIST, by the way?” It is miles long, and it’s in my head. I am the vainest grudge holder you’ll ever know.
Yeah, she’s right, I’m vain. You can tell by that beautiful pic I just posted with that Freddy Fat chin hangin’ there.