Is Nordstrom Reading This?

Is Nordstrom reading my blog?  This is the ad I have in my feed on Facebook.  Either the woman has a Betty Big Belly or she’s pregnant.  Both things I talk about in my blog.  How do they know what my belly looks like?Freaky picture, doesn’t say “maternity”.

Nordstrom Ad

To Be Me or Not To Be Me?

Yesterday, for the first time, I posted something somewhat political on Facebook.  I don’t post political things since it can create a shit storm but I was really miffed (one of my mother’s words) about this particular fact that wasn’t being picked up by any media except for little article in the New York Times.  It made me uncomfortable, and in the end, I’m glad I did it.

But this isn’t the point of this blog.  Viper Tongue suggested I start a new blog and write it under a pseudonym.  Then, I could “let it rip” as she and my teacher and classmate in my Gotham writing class said I should do.  I would have so much more blog fodder!  I always have to be careful of what I say and how I say it due to my circumstances of being a trophy wife (please insert laugh here) and a mom, which sometimes takes the fun out of things.    They say I would be a lot funnier if I could write how I talk and say how I feel (how I talk depends on my audience at this point, still.)   Please oh please retirement for Marty hurry up and let my kids not be embarrassed by me so I can be myself!  My therapist that I went to eight years ago* said to me, “Who is Sarah Berardi?”  I said, “Oh, there can’t be a Sarah Berardi…yet.”

Watch for my new blog, I’ll look like this: woman with bag over head

*No, brother Mike, I do not currently see a therapist, cuz I’m friggity-frack fixed.  Can’t you tell?

My Kids’ Friends

Thought it through today when I was Facebook messaging with one of my kid’s friends from high school.  I said to him, how do you not know what I’m talking about?  I wrote about it in my book?!  Why have you not bought my book yet, doofus?”

He said, “I’m not approaching menopause”.

Well said.  So I messaged him back, “but it’s about ME, and the kids, you can relate, it’s about my medical migraines, you can understand medically” (he’s a paramedic).  He claims he’ll buy my book.  We’ll see, as I have a little Amazon.com account where it tells me how many are purchased no matter where they are purchased.

So my title has a certain specificity:  Miralax, Menopause, and Migraine.   Even if you don’t need Miralax, have migraine, or even if you are not going through menopause, you can relate to my book.  Just sayin’.  If you know me, you will laugh.  Rumor has it, if you don’t know me, you will laugh.  My book has been on some bedside tables where others can get a laugh out of a quick chapter!

This is my new motto, which has nothing to do with anything,

“If life gives you lemons, freeze them, and throw them as hard as you can at the people who are making life difficult for you.”   Sciencegirl sent me that.

 

http://www.amazon.com/MiraLAX%C2%AEDissolves-Vodka-Know-Migraining-Menopausing/dp/0615707769/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372803256&sr=1-1&keywords=sarah+berardi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Joel Stein

I saw on Facebook that you’re donating, a one-day internship with you this coming Sunday which will go to the highest bidder.  This is your link  :https://www.charitybuzz.com/catalog_items/3476295.  When I saw it, I immediately sent it out to my husband for approval to bid but I received no answer.  I usually don’t even ask his permission, just on the big things, ya know?  But I play tit for tat and once I told him, “do NOT come home telling me you bought a new car or a new TV.”  He came home with one new car and two new TVs.  So if I really want to, as I sit here typing, I could bid on your item.

Then I’d have to fly out there from Buffalo to LA.  I’d get to meet your wife and son.  I’d have lunch with you.  But I wonder what you’d have me do otherwise as an intern?  Would you make me type the article you’d write on me?  I’d be OK with that.  I’d be able to give you plenty of fodder.  I think we have a lot in common.  You know, I just self-published a book.  You had yours properly published.   I’m a little funny, you’re freaking hysterical.  I’m good looking, you’re so-so (well, that’s your fault for the pics you put up of yourself).  Though I, too, have published very unflattering pics of myself to show my humility, which is a great characteristic we should all strive for.

You’re married, I’m married.  You’re raising a kid, I’ve raised two perfect children.  See, we could so do this and have fun.  So since I’ve only just now, Thursday, seen this auctioning off of interning with you for this Sunday, and I’m not going to be able to turn it all around that fast, I’d like you to donate it again.  Perhaps to a different charity next time.  And could you post it on your facebook sooner?  K, thanks, man.

Peace Out

 

Migraines suck

I’ve been mildly migraining all week, and my husband just came up and asked me if I wanted him to rub my head. Please do not yell “team Marty” at your computer. I usually have to ask him to do this, and it usually helps bring the pain down a notch. But I said “no” for a totally vane reason. I’m having a good hair day, and we are going out to dinner in a few hours.

But my good hair day is thankfully only on one side of my head so I’ve been lying in bed on the bad side since I’ll have to re-do that bad side anyway. You know, funk it up a bit.

GET OUT!

Hey, I was asked back in February to blog for Vibrant Nation.com.  I just found out last week there  is a section called “other” on Facebook messages where it’s been sitting.  Lawyerboy went over the contract and gave me the go-ahead.  Wow, do they have a lot to catch up on me – I’ve got to break them in slowly.

Check me out:  http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/empty-nesting-migraining-and-menopausing/pleased-to-meet-you-i-have-migraines/

They even twittered me :)