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DAMNIT, WHERE DID I PUT MY ANGER MANAGEMENT BOOK?
LB – MY WOMAN-IN-KIND FRIEND: Hahahah…I may have borrowed it :
HAIRCUTTERGIRL: U returned it remember …lol
MOB: maybe you threw it at Marty.. Look behind the couch. lol
MY DEAR MEDICINE FRIEND: In the library, with Col. Mustard and the rope
MARTY’S COUSIN: I have it
VIPER TONGUE’S MOM: When you find it, can I borrow it?
MY DEAR MEDICINE FRIEND: It’s always that effin’ Col. Mustard
ME: Maybe Marty took it on his trip with him
JIM: Sounds like it’s a good thing Marty is keeping his distance!
Love, Little Miss HorMONA
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THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA
Yesterday I was laying on top of my bed writing on my laptop whilst Marty was down in his King Tut* recliner chair napping. All of a sudden I heard very loud thunder along with the clinking of all our glasses in the house. The lampshades were jiggling to and fro. My whole body was rumbling and the whole house was definitely shaking.
As soon as it stopped, I ran down the stairs to ask Marty if he felt that earthquake. He quickly got out of his stooper reclined position and said, “is that what it was? I thought somebody was throwing something at the back of my chair?”
Why, oh, why, would somebody be throwing something at the back of his chair if it was only the two of us in opposite sides of the house? (Don’t answer that). I confirmed to him it was an earthquake (I was very sure of myself) as I was laying on top of my mattress and felt it. As in the Princess and the Pea. But this Pea was a movin’ and a groovin’ pea. Not a regular old pea.
I quickly called Lawyerboy to make sure he was OK (not that it warranted it),to see if he felt it as he lives 25 minutes from me. He laughed at me and told me a snowplow truck probably had driven by. Nay nay, I say. I told him to tell CoD (Crack of Dawn – see sidebar) if she wanted my news scoop. I called a neighbor. She felt it, too. OK, so I wasn’t crazy.
I scowered the news while Viper Tongue told me on Facebook to put the martini down at 3:00 in the afternoon. I was determined to find truth is this matter since the last time I called the local police about me thinking I felt one, the dumba$$es laughed at me. Nobody laughs at me. (Sure enough, it was confirmed by our University at Buffalo’s seismic analysis department ** later that day. So there.)
Again I was vindicated, around 3 pm yesterday, an earthquake of 5.0 started in Ohio and went all the way to Batavia, NY. Little old Elma, Terrace Lane, was on its path. Never doubt me. This princes felt the pea. (Thank you Italian Sister for that title.)
Love, Little Miss Sunshine
*It’s called the “Tut” chair because Sciencegirl was two-years old and choking next to him with his feet up and newspaper up and he didn’t notice until I yelled down the stairs to him, “who do you think you are, King Tut? Andrea’s choking, can you smack her back or something?”
**I used to work for eight seismic engineers, just a fun fact