I know, I know, you’re all waiting to hear if I “felt” the 400 mg of cocaine up my nose, right?
I did not. All I remember feeling was that old-man anesthesiologist who slurred his words and stabbed me with what he claimed was their smallest needle to start my IV.
Starting IVs are always the worst part of surgery for me. I’m not an easy vein person. The inserter tends to infiltrate or my blood pressure is so low that the veins just flatten like a wet slip ‘n slide. Not fun – lends itself to lots of jabbin’ around. Of course, I had to zing back at him, “that can’t be your smallest IV needle in the hospital, and they sometimes use children’s needles on me.” Aren’t I a snot? He said nothing in return thank goodness, because you know I wouldn’t have backed down. (Yes, I know this is a flaw of mine.) Why would he say something so foolish? Had I embarrassed the elf-skinned barnacle by covering my mouth and “yikes” with my spare hand when he stabbed me? I hope so. You shouldn’t just go around stabbing people. You should go around inserting, not stabbing. Just don’t mess with me. But, he was my gas man, why was I trying to fight with him? He was supposed to be giving me extra antinauseant – and here I was sparing with him? Dumbass.
Down three hallways and a right and I was given my “cocktail” and an oxygen mask. I woke up without all the dreaded, painful packing they usually jam up your nose so the cocaine worked! This must be the reason I feel about the same right now as when I had my nose cauterized years before. Or maybe I’m feeling fine because of the tylenol and codeine. Hmmmmm.
Interestingly enough, the doctor not only cleaned out my sinuses, turbenectomied (I just made up another word) me, straightened my septum, but he also found four roguish polyps. Yeah, might they have anything to do with my “facial migraines?” One was the size of a lima bean he said, and the other three were the size of peas. I was growing a dankish vegetable garden up there – gross. Huh!
So I’ve been sitting up in bed since noon at home all day – cannot sleep. I have to stay in a sitting-up position, which is probably why I can’t sleep on top of my normal menopause can’t sleep. Not complaining (this time), I’ve got my computer, book, and TV, and Marty not snoring at the moment.
I have no idea if 400 mg (of the cocaine) is what he said. I think that’s what he said. But I also saw kitty cats sitting on mantles and bugs crawling the walls when I woke up. Whatever.
Love, Little Miss Lima Bean