WHAT’S YOUR BRAIN GRADE?

I love taking online tests.  This one from Lumosity.com said, “test your brain grade!!”  “Instant results!”  Well here are my results, and I think they should all go drink a big ‘ole glass of shut-the-hell up.  Notice they never asked what medications I was on….I’m still on half my dose of that literally mind-numbing anti-seizure drug.  Not to mention my other migraine drugs. Poopheads.  What do they know.  My comments are in all caps, bolded and italic.  Wordpress sucks w/o color.
  1. Your Brain Grade: D

    Brain Health Report

    Your Grade: D

    Your brain grade is a summary of your overall cognitive health today. Based on your lifestyle choices, we have compiled a complete brain health report with personalized analysis and suggestions for improvement from our neuroscientists. (NEUROSCIENTS?  I’M A NEUROSCIENT, THEN.)

    You’ve completed the Brain Grade test! Now take the next step to better brain health with Lumosity.com’s Brain Training Program.

    Start Training

    DIET ANALYSIS

    • You’re drinking a moderate amount of coffee or tea. Improve this.   IMPROVE THIS (INSERT ITALIAN GESTURE) I DRINK ONE CUP OF COFFEE A DAY. GIVE ME A BREAK.
    • You’re eating enough fish or shellfish to have a positive effect on your brain. Learn more.  I MAY HAVE STRETCHED THE TRUTH.
    • The antioxidant-rich foods you’re eating are good for cognitive fitness. Learn more.  AGREED

    • You chose to avoid sweets, a good choice for brain health. Learn more.  AGREED, BUT I SUBSTITUTE WITH CARBS.
    • You consume alcohol in moderate amounts that can keep your brain healthy. Learn more.  EXCELLENT, BUT I DON’T DRINK RED WINE, BUTTHEADS.

    EXERCISE ANALYSIS

    • You’re not getting regular aerobic exercise. Improve this.  I ROLL MY ANKLES WHILE IN BED, COME ON.  SOMETIMES I SKIP TO THE MAILBOX IF I GET OUT OF BED.
    • You’re not getting regular strength training. Improve this.  I KNOW.

    HEALTH ANALYSIS

    •  You don’t have too much stress, and that’s good for your brain. Learn more.  WHERE WAS THAT QUESTION?
    • You’re not getting enough sleep. Improve this.  JUST UP MY XANAX. SIMPLE.
    • You abstain from smoking. Learn more.

    LIFESTYLE ANALYSIS

    • Your brain health can be positively affected by your strong social network. Learn more.  I DO TALK A LOT ON THE PHONE.
    • You’re doing cognitively stimulating activities that are good for your brain. Learn more.   I READ
    • You’re improving your brain health by taking on new challenges. Learn more.   WHAT?
    •  Training your brain isn’t part of your weekly routine. Improve this.  I’M PLENTY TRAINED

    COGNITION ANALYSIS

    • You reported having frequent problems with memory and cognition. Improve this.  THIS IS TRUE.  SEE MY CURRENT MIGRAINE DRUG LIST.
      SORRY, LUMOSITY, I’M A VERY BUSY PERSON, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO GET MY BRAIN GRADE UP FROM A “D” TO A “C”. THAT’S PROBABLY MY LIMIT.
      CHEERS,
      LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

3 comments on “WHAT’S YOUR BRAIN GRADE?

  1. Anonymous says:

    what are you talking about??????

  2. r says:

    i love it

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